I’ll suck a finger. I’ve got no problem hitting a lick of digits…slathered in my favorite sauce, of course. Some have been known to slurp a few stranger’s phalanges…you know what I’m saying? Take it all the way down to the proximal interphalangeal joint if you’re kinky. That’s the middle knuckle on your finger if you failed A&P. It’s understandable that the last few sentences may have misguided your journey into this piece rife with whatever the opposite of journalistic integrity is. Trust me, it’s just how people who love chicken wings get down. They’re a saucy bunch.

(Not gonna lie…that ASMR business seems a bit fetishy)

I hope you’ve eaten some. They’re good. Often, small groups of indigenous earth dwellers will gather with the mutilated, deep fried, and possibly basted former limbs of a flightless bird to enjoy other earth dwellers running around a bounded area, dressed in plastic armor, with intent to have a go at each other while trying to move an inflated oval past an imaginary line that extends throughout the upper reaches of the galaxy. I believe it’s called football, as well as tailgating. Again, I hope you’ve tried some. It’s quite enjoyable.

With that in mind, I ask you…the Mighty Magic Nation…where do you get your wings? Is there anywhere else besides Rooster’s or Buffalo Wild Wings? Am I missing something?

Taking a poll here PEOPLE!