I’m no scientist, but if I told you that people who hang out inside of bowling alleys didn’t need a vaccine, I feel like I wouldn’t be far off. Now, as I said, I’m no walking wikipedia disguised as that sexy, Disney suing human Bill Nye, but you might tend to agree with me. Look, I’ve hung out at a few bowling alleys before, and just one hit of that stuff they spray in the rental shoes, and you may be able to take a punch from Superman. Or run through something like the Kool-Aid guy. It’s like they combine the Fruit Punch flavor with PCP. Where does that dude get his inhuman strength?

Now listen…I’m not saying I was conceived inside a bowling alley, but I do think it explains my personality a lot. No comment from my parents as I write this; you wonder if they’d be proud of making the beast with two backs inside a not so well lit bowling alley bathroom.

Love ’em. Bottom line. Great places to hang out, for the young and old. Classic and timeless entertainment that combines the arcade, the restaurant, the bar, and of course, them slippery lanes baby! There’s a reason the man called The Dude capitulates and philosophizes at temple of the 10 pins. Carpet pissers don’t do anything this cool. That’s for sure. And hey, if you need a toe, you’re gonna find the person to get you one in a bowling alley, or so I’m told. Be sure you check out my favorite hotspots around town, Freeway Bowl & Orchard Mesa Lanes. And peep this dope video of one sweet looking looking alley in Minneapolis…all in one continuous drone shot. Might make you even consider rolling on Shabbus. Say hi to the man in the black pajamas when you get there. Hopefully he’ll be there on Cosmic Bowling Night.